Sorry I haven't written in a while. Nothing new or different to report. My husband quit therapy and is still drinking. As a matter of fact, he passed out on the toilet last night. Sexy, right? I still go to therapy every week. I'm going to see my parents in April. My mother in law is flying down next month to babysit so we can have a date night but she's coming on a weekend when my husband has to work. That makes sense, right? And of course no one has asked my opinion about this whole matter. I guess I'm suppose to sit here and take it. A lot has happened that's not even worth talking about because it's all lies and games and bullshit. I won't even waste your time. When you live with an alcoholic that's pretty much standard.
I'm trying to be strong and not get sucked into all this garbage but I'm not happy and I'm trying to keep my head above water at this point. I've decided if I can't help myself that I will try to help others in any way I can. I just sent this little boy a birthday card. His mom asked if he wanted a party for his birthday and he told her he has no friends and everyone makes fun of him because he's autistic. His mom started a Facebook page for him called happy birthday Colin. You can either send him a card or post a message on his page. I thought I would send him a card. That's the least I could do. I'm going to look for more opportunities like that to help others. Maybe if I help enough people someone will help me or something good will happen to me. Karma, right? It can't hurt.
I stumbled across your blog and it made me very sad to read. I really suggest checking out The Turmoil of Someone Else's Drinking by Margaret Joyce, available on Amazon for Kindle (you can download a Kindle app for your computer) for $3.99. There are also online Alanon groups such as http://www.ola-is.org/ that have online chat room meetings that may be helpful. I hope that you've kept in contact with the woman from your Therapist's office, it seemed like you enjoyed speaking with her. You also said in one of your posts how because it's a small town it's hard to meet people and make friends, but maybe it would be a good opportunity for you to take action and form a group of your own. I know there's a website called meetup.com where you can find people with similar interests in your area, but if you wanted to do play dates or book clubs or something maybe you could put a flyer up at your grocery store and meet other moms in the area. I know it's really hard to step outside of your comfort zone, but sometimes the things that make us the most uncomfortable are the most rewarding.
ReplyDeleteA piece of advice I will give is that if you go searching for trouble you're going to find it. I know that it's a double edged sword, because if there was trouble to be found you would want to know about it, but at the same time I think when we automatically assume the worst it's really easy to stay in that dark place and difficult to get out. I'm not a therapist, and I'm certainly not one to tell you what you should or should not do, but ultimately I think you need to decide whether you're staying or going, and right now it's pretty apparent that, whether it's forever or not, you've decided to stay. That being said the only person that you can work on is you. Find things that are going to occupy your time and make you happy - find some crafts on Pinterest and hit up your local dollar store for supplies, see if you can find any clubs on meetup.com that you're interested in, join an online book club, become involved in some online forums. You are not the only person that's struggled with the things going on in your life, and I promise there are other people that can relate.
As stated above, when your mind goes to a dark place it's hard to get out. Nothing seems fun, everything is a chore and exhausting, but you just have to dig yourself out until one day you wake up and things aren't so bad. I won't sleep with my husband when he's been drinking either, and not that you should 'reward him' for staying sober, but maybe you should start sleeping with one another every time he's not. Intimacy is such an important part of a relationship, and most of the time guys need it a lot more than we do. It sounds like he's really going to drink whether you're sexually active or not, but I think you'd be surprised how much happier you are around one another - it may diminish your distaste for him when he's going out and getting drunk, and it may even make him want to be around more. I notice that when my husband and I are more sexually active with one another we're much happier, and small things or even remotely large things don't set either of us off nearly as much as they would have if we haven't been regularly intimate.
I hope that both therapy and any of the suggestions I've made above help. I know that when things are bad it's hard to imagine them ever getting better, but as long as you learn to love yourself and learn how to do things that will make you happy I promise this too shall pass.
Thank you for your comment. Your comment is one of the reasons I started this blog. I wanted to start a conversation and find other people in my situation. I appreciate you taking the time to comment and I hope we can keep in touch.
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