Food Journal 8/31/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover taco pasta

dinner- zucchini quesadillas

Food Journal 8/30/2013

breakfast- toast and banana

lunch- oatmeal

dinner- sloppy joes w/ onion rings

Food Journal 8/27/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- beefaroni (bad)

dinner- taco pasta

In Law Update

My mother in law called last night. She said she called my husband Friday at four o'clock and he didn't sound drunk. I don't know what that means. Does she think I'm lying? She also told me she had dinner with my brother in law. I asked her if he talked about my husband. She said no and I told her about the card and nasty text message he sent. She was shocked. The next day my husband gets a apology text from my brother in law. Did my mother in law have something to do with that or did he do it on his own? I don't know but I think it's time to let this go and focus on more important things in life.

Menu Monday 8/26/2013

Dinner ideas-

beans and rice
salsa verde
tacos
buffalo chicken wraps
chili
taco pasta
sesame chicken
orange chicken
chili lime shrimp bowls
Mongolian beef
jambalaya
kielbasa, potato and sauerkraut
coconut chicken

Food Journal 8/26/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- smoked oysters w/ crackers

dinner- raspberry chicken w/ mashed potatoes

Food Journal 8/25/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- pork sausage and potatoes

dinner- shrimp stir fry w/ rice

Who Needs Enemies? I Have In Laws!

Here are some updates on my in law drama:

1. I called my mother in law to talk about my husband's drinking and she said she knew he was an alcoholic five years ago. Nice! Thanks for filling me in, mother in law, and then she preceded to talk about me and how I need to get out of the house and make friends. Ummmm, I think your son being an alcoholic is a bigger problem, don't you?

2. My brother in law sent my daughter a belated birthday card and money which at the time I thought was a nice gesture. Wrong! My husband sent him a text thanking him and apologized for the fight they had over my daughter's first birthday. What do you think my brother in law said back? Your welcome? No, that would have been too easy. He said go f@#k yourself, apology not accepted, and then he listed all the Christmas gifts he's gotten us over the years. I guess someone is keeping score. I though Christmas was about giving not receiving. Not with my in laws.

So, to review: my mother in law knows her son is an alcoholic but I have the problem and my brother in law is a materialistic, selfish jerk. I think that about covers it. I can't wait for the next family reunion!

Food Journal 8/24/2013

breakfast- banana

lunch- hot pockets (bad)

dinner- homemade chicken tenders w/ stuffing

Food Journal 8/21/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- salad w/ tomatoes and cucumbers

dinner- pork marsala w/ mashed potatoes

Food Journal 8/20/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- salad w/ tomatoes and cheese

dinner- homemade fish sticks and beans

Menu Monday 8/19/2013

Dinner ideas-

jambalaya
Mongolian beef
chili lime shrimp bowls
pork marsala
orange chicken
sesame chicken
taco pasta
taco salad
fish sticks

Food Journal 8/19/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- hash browns, bacon, and cheese

dinner- taco salad

Food Journal 8/18/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- hot pockets and cookies (bad)

dinner- spaghetti w/ olives, celery, carrots and onion

Food Journal 8/17/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover ribs, pear

dinner- kung pao chicken w/ rice

Food Journal 8/16/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- leftover breakfast casserole

dinner- fish tacos

I Finally Figured It Out

I finally figured out why I've been so miserable this past year. I don't have post partum depression and I don't need time alone. It's so simple that once I figured it out with my therapist I was actually embarrassed that I didn't figure it out sooner. What I need is for me, my husband and daughter to spend more time together as a family. Simple, right? Isn't that what normal families do? For the past year I've been told I'm irrational, emotional and depressed.  This is what I get for listening to my husband. He tells me to get out of the house, in fact, he practically yells at me to get out. What he doesn't understand is that most of the time I'm home alone with the baby and when I go out I'm alone. I'm constantly alone. I don't need new friends or hobbies, I need a husband who wants to spend time with his family and not run away from us.

Before the baby was born we did a lot together. After the baby was born that stopped. I stayed home and he went out - a lot. I know it sounds crazy but it's true and I don't know why that happened but it did. That's why I've been so unhappy. It's so simple it's stupid. I can't believe I had to go to a therapist to figure this out. My husband and I never made the transition from being a couple to a family but that's going to change. We are going to do more stuff together like we should of been doing all along. We are going to be a family. I don't expect this to solve everything but it's a good start at least for me.

Food Journal 8/13/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- roasted sweet potato bites

dinner- chili

Eyes Wide Open

Here are a few things I've learned lately-

1. My brother and sister in law forgot my daughter's first birthday. Every year I send their kid's cards...on time. At least my brother in law admitted he forgot but my sister in law said she sent a package which we have yet to receive. Also a remark was made that since I'm a stay at home mom and don't officially work, I have time to remember birthdays and send out cards. That's right, in laws, all I do is sit around all day and stare at a calendar and wait for birthdays to come around so I can have something to do with my life. Thanks, and by the way if you ever read this, screw you.

2. Thanks to therapy I feel like my eyes are finally open to what's been really happening around me. No more secrets, no more lies. I'm free. His drinking problem is not necessarily my problem. I'm stronger than I know. I know this now. My eyes are open, the secrets are out, and there's no turning back. Happiness is truth and truth is happiness. You cannot have one without the other. That I know for sure now.

Menu Monday 8/12/2013

Dinner ideas-

coconut chicken
kielbasa, potato and sauerkraut
jambalaya
Mongolian beef
kung pao chicken tacos
chili lime shrimp bowls
pork marsala
orange chicken
fish tacos
sesame chicken
pasta w/ olive tomato sauce

Food Journal 8/12/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- Subway

dinner- salsa chicken with refried beans

Food Journal 8/11/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- mac n cheese (bad)

dinner- shrimp and tomato pasta

Food Journal 8/10/2013

breakfast- banana and oatmeal

lunch- peanut butter and jelly

dinner- fish and stuffing

Food Journal 8/9/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- corn on the cob, avocado, piece of my daughter's birthday cake

dinner- sweet and sour pork

Food Journal 8/6/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- pizza (a really bad, cheap hot and ready pizza)

dinner- teriyaki stir fry with noodles

Menu Monday 8/5/2013

Here are some ideas for dinner-

salsa chicken
coconut chicken
kielbasa, potato and sauerkraut
jambalaya
Mongolian beef
kung pao chicken tacos
chili lime shrimp bowls
shrimp and tomato pasta
pork marsala
orange chicken
sweet and sour pork
fish tacos
sesame chicken
bbq chicken thighs

Food Journal 8/5/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- peanut butter and jelly

dinner- Mexican rice and beans

Food Journal 8/4/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- hot pockets (bad)

dinner- chicken parmesan

Food Journal 8/3/2013

breakfast- toast, banana, donut (bad)

lunch- salad

dinner- sloppy joes

Food Journal 8/2/2013

breakfast- banana and toast

lunch- panda express (special treat)

dinner- spaghetti

The Revelation

Yesterday I went to my first counseling session and it was wonderful. It was so nice to talk to someone and not hold anything back. I felt great when I left. I would encourage anyone who needs someone to talk to about anything to call a counselor today. Unfortunately the feeling did not last. I came home and in my excitement I think I told my husband too much, especially about his drinking. Twelve beers later that night, he starts to tell me I don't have so bad and his drinking is not the only problem, etc. I basically went from the top of the world to the bottom of the mountain. Thanks, husband, but my eyes have been open and the secret is out. He's an alcoholic and there's no turning back now. All I want is the truth and I want everyone to know it. It's time to roll up our sleeves and get to work.