Back to My Roots

I'm tired of faking it. I'm tired of not being me both physically and emotionally. I'm even slowly going back to my natural hair color. The bubbly blond was someone else. I don't know her anymore. I don't want to fake it. I want to know the real me.

I feel darker. Darker like the roots on my head. I've gone from being optimistic to realistic as I get older. Not so much pessimistic but real. I can't even watch fiction on TV anymore because I know it's not real. It's a made up story with made up people. If I want fiction I'll read a book. I like things to be honest and natural. From my hair color, to TV shows, to people, I don't have time for games. If you want to play a game, I'll call you out. Don't mess with me. I'm not faking it and I'm not taking it anymore. Watch out world, I'm done faking it. I'm older, wiser and darker. I see the world for what it really is.

Tomorrow is no guarantee. We must live for today. Life is too short not to. There will be heartache and pain and hopefully some happiness. People come and go, so do jobs and money. It's all fluid. It's not really yours to begin with. We're all on a journey and wherever you are it's just a pit stop, not your final destination. There's no times for lies. The time is now. Stop faking it and start getting real. Get to know yourself first. You will be more powerful and secure. You come first. No one is going to take care of you better than you can. What you have today may be gone tomorrow. Get to know yourself and figure out your life. Once you do that the picture will become clearer. The clouds will part and you will see the sun. You will see things for how they really are and not what they should be and in that moment you will get a glimpse of the real you.   

Fighting the Tide

I'm tired of fighting the tide and going against myself. Life is easier when you try to be yourself and not someone else. In the end, that's all you can be is yourself. That's all we got.

I'm tired of trying to impress people and be their friend. I'm tired of being nice and trying to be involved in other people's lives. I'm tired of trying to fit in where I'm obviously not welcomed. People either like you or they don't. You can't force friendship or love. It's there or it's not. Don't try to fight it. Accept it and move on. Easier said than done but for your own sanity and happiness you must move on.

I consider myself to be a nice person. I'm not mean or evil. I'm not the life of the party but I do like to laugh and have fun once in a while. I have a cell phone, email, and an online profile. If anyone wants to contact me they can. If they're nice, I'll gladly respond, it's that simple. I'm here waiting. If anyone wants to talk they can find me.  I'm tired of always trying and reaching out and being rejected.

I wish I was more popular. I wish I had more friends. I wish I was more talkative but I'm not. I can try to change those things but I still want to remain true to myself.

I think a lot of this comes with age. I like myself more. I spend more time trying to learn about me than anyone or anything else in my life. I finally realize it's easier to be me. I've stopped fighting myself. I'm not perfect and I never will be. I've accepted that. I'm me. I'm done trying to impress people and trying to be a friend to someone who's not interested. I have to be my own best friend. I rather have no friends than ten friends who stab me in the back. It's just not worth it.

True friendships and love are hard to find. Everyone's searching for it. We are human and are not perfect. We won't get along with everybody and even the people we love or like can get hurt along the way. At the end of the day, you have to be happy with yourself. You have to like yourself and know that no matter what others think about you, that you are a loving and caring person and you deserve to be happy.