Yes, I am a housewife, and no, I do not have kids. When people ask me if I work and I say no, the next question is always do I have kids. The answer is also no. Usually when I answer the second part of the question you would have thought I was speaking a foreign language. People tilt their heads and scrunch up their faces. The next reaction is usually silence or a polite response. I can actually see people try to process this idea in their heads. It seems as though a housewife is an extinct creature. One you only see in the movies but didn't know they actually existed in real life.
I get that housewives are rare and little girls no longer grow up wanting to play homemaker. I am a housewife by choice, and no, I do not sit around and watch TV all day eating bon bons. I may not get dressed up and work in an office, but I have plenty of things to do.
There are downsides to being a housewife. One is people know I'm home all the time and assume I have nothing to do. This makes it hard to turn down unwanted invites. How do you tell someone you would rather stay home then go to their event? I can't be sick all the time.
Another downside is boredom and loneliness. I am alone for most of the day. I can always find things to do. There is always something that needs cleaning and it seems the dishes and laundry are never done. The one thing I don't have is a lifeline. Social networking and email help fill the void temporarily but only if I choose to participate. I can talk to my cat but it's pretty much a one-sided conversation. TV fills the void at night until my husband comes home from work with stories about his day. My day, on the other hand, is not so interesting.
Don't assume that since I'm a housewife that I'm rich and can afford to stay at home. My husband and I make sacrifices constantly. For us going out to eat is a treat and not a weekly event. We do not go on lavish vacations. I buy generic, clip coupons, and look for things on sale. We sacrifice for this kind of lifestyle. It is a choice. The extra money I could bring in working would help, but then due to my husband's work schedule we would not see each other very much. We sacrifice the extra money for time together and time is one thing a paycheck can't buy.
Being a housewife does not mean I have thrown my career ambitions out the door. One day I will go back to work. One day I will probably have to go back to work. I have a college degree and hope to one day have some sort of meaningful career. But for now I am a housewife and I rather do that then work some job I hate.
Being a housewife is work. I work on my home and my paycheck comes from my husband. I can't call in sick or work overtime. I'm really no different than a working woman. I just don't "work" and I don't have kids. My home is my office and, in some ways, my husband is my boss.
Being a housewife is not as glamorous as you see on TV. I actually do not know any other housewives without kids. I do know a few stay at home moms but from what I see their lives are not very glamorous either. I do not dress up everyday, sometimes I don't even wash my hair or put on make-up. Trust me, no one wants to see that on TV, not even me.
It seems that staying home with kids is more socially acceptable. If you have kids then you must be busy. This is not to say that one day I don't hope to transition from housewife to stay at home mom. This is one of the reasons I am a housewife. But until that time comes, yes, I am a housewife, and, no, I do not have kids.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Women Are Not My Friends
I've never been the type of girl to have a lot of girlfriends. I don't know why. I can count on one hand the number of close girlfriends I've had my entire life.
I find true friendship with women incredibly difficult. I would rather hang around men or even be by myself. Being married, I spent most of my free time with my husband. Even though we live together and see each other every day, nothing beats spending quality time together. A friendship with a woman would have to be pretty special to take me away from that.
Friendships with women seem to come with so many strings attached. It's almost like every woman is looking for a mirror image of themselves. If one does not like your hair, the way you dress, your weight, or age, you are out or considered competition.
When I meet another woman I can actually see them judging me by their eyes, looking at me from top to bottom to see if I fit the friend profile or am I a threat to them.
I thought us girls were suppose to stick together, defend and support each other. But most of the time I feel constantly stabbed in the back from other women.
Women will be your friend only if you are not a threat to them. If you're better looking, we can't go out. If you're thinner or fatter, we can't go shopping together. You can be my friend but you have to make me look and feel good, if not better, about myself.
Friendships with women only become more complicated when men are involved. This complicates the friendship factor. If a woman isn't your friend it seems that your man is fair game. Sometimes even being married doesn't stop other women.
Look ladies, if you want to flirt with my man once, that's fine, but once you find out he's married hands off. Don't think becoming friends with me will help either or make you feel better. If you're after my man I can tell. What you think about me doesn't matter.
Also, old girlfriends, listen up too. Don't think you can come back into my man's life years later and snatch him away with your charm. There's a reason you two aren't together anymore. He's married, move on, what you had is over. I'm sorry you're sad and lonely, but finding an old boyfriend isn't going to make you feel any better.
I know women are complicated creatures with many emotions. One woman's friend is another woman's enemy. If you want to be my friend, be a friend, no strings attached. If you want my man, just admit it, and bring it on.
I guess all women are not friends. I think in the end gender doesn't matter. We are all out for ourselves. A girlfriend can become an enemy in a matter of minutes. One fight and you're no longer BFF. A man gets involved and a fight becomes a catfight. The stakes are higher, a man is the prize.
I would like to have more girlfriends but as you get older, marry, and have kids, this type of relationship becomes harder and harder to achieve. I have no problems being friends with men. I can relax and not be judged. We can be open and honest. There's no fashion show. I don't need to get my nails done or guzzle a bottle of wine. I can just be me.
Why are female relationships so complicated? Maybe we are too complicated for are own good. Maybe we make it that way. My husband can make friends with anyone, anywhere. Do you like beer? Then you're my friend. Done deal. Do you like football? Then you're my friend too. Done.
It seems like if a woman isn't supporting you, she's against you. If your friends, you're friends, if not you're the enemy. It's high school all over again.
Most of my close girlfriends are women I've known since childhood. Back in the day when we were innocent and boys were gross, the friendships were formed. If we've been friends this long, I suspect we'll continue being friends.
Women, I'll respect you if you respect me. Respect the fact that I'm married and my man is off limits. Respect the way I dress and act and I'll respect you. Maybe we won't be friends, that's okay, but we don't have to be enemies either.
I find true friendship with women incredibly difficult. I would rather hang around men or even be by myself. Being married, I spent most of my free time with my husband. Even though we live together and see each other every day, nothing beats spending quality time together. A friendship with a woman would have to be pretty special to take me away from that.
Friendships with women seem to come with so many strings attached. It's almost like every woman is looking for a mirror image of themselves. If one does not like your hair, the way you dress, your weight, or age, you are out or considered competition.
When I meet another woman I can actually see them judging me by their eyes, looking at me from top to bottom to see if I fit the friend profile or am I a threat to them.
I thought us girls were suppose to stick together, defend and support each other. But most of the time I feel constantly stabbed in the back from other women.
Women will be your friend only if you are not a threat to them. If you're better looking, we can't go out. If you're thinner or fatter, we can't go shopping together. You can be my friend but you have to make me look and feel good, if not better, about myself.
Friendships with women only become more complicated when men are involved. This complicates the friendship factor. If a woman isn't your friend it seems that your man is fair game. Sometimes even being married doesn't stop other women.
Look ladies, if you want to flirt with my man once, that's fine, but once you find out he's married hands off. Don't think becoming friends with me will help either or make you feel better. If you're after my man I can tell. What you think about me doesn't matter.
Also, old girlfriends, listen up too. Don't think you can come back into my man's life years later and snatch him away with your charm. There's a reason you two aren't together anymore. He's married, move on, what you had is over. I'm sorry you're sad and lonely, but finding an old boyfriend isn't going to make you feel any better.
I know women are complicated creatures with many emotions. One woman's friend is another woman's enemy. If you want to be my friend, be a friend, no strings attached. If you want my man, just admit it, and bring it on.
I guess all women are not friends. I think in the end gender doesn't matter. We are all out for ourselves. A girlfriend can become an enemy in a matter of minutes. One fight and you're no longer BFF. A man gets involved and a fight becomes a catfight. The stakes are higher, a man is the prize.
I would like to have more girlfriends but as you get older, marry, and have kids, this type of relationship becomes harder and harder to achieve. I have no problems being friends with men. I can relax and not be judged. We can be open and honest. There's no fashion show. I don't need to get my nails done or guzzle a bottle of wine. I can just be me.
Why are female relationships so complicated? Maybe we are too complicated for are own good. Maybe we make it that way. My husband can make friends with anyone, anywhere. Do you like beer? Then you're my friend. Done deal. Do you like football? Then you're my friend too. Done.
It seems like if a woman isn't supporting you, she's against you. If your friends, you're friends, if not you're the enemy. It's high school all over again.
Most of my close girlfriends are women I've known since childhood. Back in the day when we were innocent and boys were gross, the friendships were formed. If we've been friends this long, I suspect we'll continue being friends.
Women, I'll respect you if you respect me. Respect the fact that I'm married and my man is off limits. Respect the way I dress and act and I'll respect you. Maybe we won't be friends, that's okay, but we don't have to be enemies either.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Cheating and The Other Woman
Dear Other Woman,
I don't know who you think you are or what you think you are doing. I'm on to you and your game. I don't care what you think about me. I don't like you, I don't trust you, and I especially don't like the relationship you have with my husband. These feelings will never change. One day you and I will have a conversation. One day, other woman, you will know how I feel and you will have to explain yourself.
Dear Husband,
I don't know what you are doing. I don't understand why you would jeopardize our relationship. You know how I feel but you obviously don't seem to care. I am not going to put up with this forever. You may think you're sneaky and clever but cheating is the oldest game in the book. One day, you or she will screw up and I will find out...again. Until then, let's act like nothing's wrong, okay?
When is cheating actually considered cheating? When does it cross the line? In this day and age it's hard to tell. People no longer need to physically touch each other to cheat. We have replaced hands and mouths with other forms of communication.
No doubt technology has made our lives easier. It's also made it easier to cheat. Cell phones, computers, email, there's nothing that can't be hidden nowadays. Good if you're a government agent, bad if you're married.
Obviously, let me state for the record, anything physical is cheating. From hand-holding to sex, it's cheating in my book. But what about all the other stuff? All the gray area that is up for interpretation. Let's look into a few of these areas.
How one dresses, for example. If a female friend or co-worker of your partner comes over to meet the wife for the first time and she's wearing provocative clothing...in winter, what do you think? Okay, I won't judge a book by it's dirty cover, but I do think it says a lot. Inappropriate to say the least.
How about if a woman sends your partner a photo of herself in a bikini? Is that cheating? But on who's part? The woman for sending it or the man for looking. Is that cheating or poor taste?
Then there's cell phone calls and texting. Need I say more. The lines have become blurred and I can't see straight. Whatever is considered cheating nowadays or friendly flirting, when you find out the hard way it still hurts-physical or not.
Cheating, lying, sneaking around is the oldest game in the book. Sooner or later someone will find out or screw up. It takes a lot of hard work and effort to cheat, screw up once and you're done.
Is it worth it? What's the benefit? I almost envy the other woman. She gets all the benefits but does none of the work. I'm here in the trenches cooking and cleaning, waiting for my partner to come home. What is she doing? Going out on dates, having other men buy her dinner, and then if it doesn't work out she comes home and contacts my partner. I would like to trade places with her. Maybe then she will see the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
I know it's not entirely the other woman's fault. Men are not saints, especially mine. It takes two to tango. He chooses to talk to her. He chooses the tone of the conversation. He knows how I feel and he is not at all innocent.
So, you have the other woman, the man, and the wife. Where do I stand? I don't know. I'll be here in the gray area trying to figure it all out.
I don't know who you think you are or what you think you are doing. I'm on to you and your game. I don't care what you think about me. I don't like you, I don't trust you, and I especially don't like the relationship you have with my husband. These feelings will never change. One day you and I will have a conversation. One day, other woman, you will know how I feel and you will have to explain yourself.
Dear Husband,
I don't know what you are doing. I don't understand why you would jeopardize our relationship. You know how I feel but you obviously don't seem to care. I am not going to put up with this forever. You may think you're sneaky and clever but cheating is the oldest game in the book. One day, you or she will screw up and I will find out...again. Until then, let's act like nothing's wrong, okay?
When is cheating actually considered cheating? When does it cross the line? In this day and age it's hard to tell. People no longer need to physically touch each other to cheat. We have replaced hands and mouths with other forms of communication.
No doubt technology has made our lives easier. It's also made it easier to cheat. Cell phones, computers, email, there's nothing that can't be hidden nowadays. Good if you're a government agent, bad if you're married.
Obviously, let me state for the record, anything physical is cheating. From hand-holding to sex, it's cheating in my book. But what about all the other stuff? All the gray area that is up for interpretation. Let's look into a few of these areas.
How one dresses, for example. If a female friend or co-worker of your partner comes over to meet the wife for the first time and she's wearing provocative clothing...in winter, what do you think? Okay, I won't judge a book by it's dirty cover, but I do think it says a lot. Inappropriate to say the least.
How about if a woman sends your partner a photo of herself in a bikini? Is that cheating? But on who's part? The woman for sending it or the man for looking. Is that cheating or poor taste?
Then there's cell phone calls and texting. Need I say more. The lines have become blurred and I can't see straight. Whatever is considered cheating nowadays or friendly flirting, when you find out the hard way it still hurts-physical or not.
Cheating, lying, sneaking around is the oldest game in the book. Sooner or later someone will find out or screw up. It takes a lot of hard work and effort to cheat, screw up once and you're done.
Is it worth it? What's the benefit? I almost envy the other woman. She gets all the benefits but does none of the work. I'm here in the trenches cooking and cleaning, waiting for my partner to come home. What is she doing? Going out on dates, having other men buy her dinner, and then if it doesn't work out she comes home and contacts my partner. I would like to trade places with her. Maybe then she will see the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
I know it's not entirely the other woman's fault. Men are not saints, especially mine. It takes two to tango. He chooses to talk to her. He chooses the tone of the conversation. He knows how I feel and he is not at all innocent.
So, you have the other woman, the man, and the wife. Where do I stand? I don't know. I'll be here in the gray area trying to figure it all out.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Marriage Is a Scam
Society and the media sell marriage starting from childhood. You, little girl, are a princess and on your wedding day you will be the ultimate princess and marry your prince. Then you will live happily ever after, right? WRONG.
Who wants to be a princess anyway? What does a princess do? Cook and clean? Is that the job of a princess? Please show me the job description because this isn't what I signed up for.
Society and the media sell weddings, honeymoons, marriage, kids, etc. Have the white wedding, go on a tropical honeymoon, buy a house, have kids, and you'll be happy. The why are we so unhappy?
Once you are married, society and the media doesn't even respect it. Sexual images are everywhere. You may be married, have the house in the suburbs, two kids, but don't you dare turn on the TV or computer. Even society doesn't respect marriage. Men and women think it's okay to flirt even if one or both of them is married. Flirting is okay, it's harmless, right? My partner will never know. But what happens when your partner finds out, it is still harmless? Probably not. Nice try. See you in divorce court. If society and the media doesn't respect marriage, then why should we?
No wonder marriage is failing. Is it really worth getting into in the first place? Who would buy marriage if it was packaged and sold on a shelf? There are no guarantees, may not work, and it's very expensive. Sure, that sounds great, let's buy this marriage thing. Everybody else is.
What we are sold in the end is absolutely nothing. There are no guarantees, no happy endings, no happily ever after. You are not a princess and he is not a prince. In the end, a wedding is an overpriced party paid for by mom and dad who probably can't afford it anyway.
We're sold a dream, and unlike theme parks, dreams don't always come true. Keep your expectations low. The wedding and the honeymoon are the high points. It all goes downhill from there. How low is up to you.
No one tells you how hard marriage is. Why? Because it's not pretty, and white, and it doesn't come with a cake. When a marriage ends or comes close to an end, there is nothing to sell but broken hearts. And who wants to buy that?
Sometimes marriage comes down to the facts. You get a marriage certificate, a shiny ring on your finger, and a name change. Is that it? Pretty much. Marriage changes nothing. The problems won't go away. In fact, they might get worse, but you're married, right? You'll get through it. Maybe. Just don't ask a divorce lawyer.
I'm not against marriage, it can work. Just keep your eyes and ears open. Lower your expectations. Wedding and honeymoons are an illusion and a distraction from the real thing. I want all marriages to work but I believe from day one they are set up to fail. If marriage was a product no one would buy it. It's not pretty and we have no one to blame but ourselves. Society and the media build it up and you get to watch it all fall down from the comfort of your own home surrounded by wedding pictures and gifts. Sounds fun, doesn't it?
How do people stay married for so long? Is it luck? Did they find the right partner or did they just settle along the way? Are we all settling or do we deserve better? Is this it? Do we stop the marriage train or do we keep going? Sometimes I want to get off before it turns into a horrible train wreck. Isn't that what we're all destined for anyway?
So is the purpose of marriage to have children? Apparently not. I bet everybody knows at least one person who has had a child out of wedlock. Is there anything wrong with that? Absolutely not. Once you have a child you will always be a parent. Once you get married will you always be a spouse? Not if you don't want to. Parenting and marriage do not go hand in hand anymore. One does not need the other. What does this say about marriage? What does it say about us and society as a whole? So if not children, then what is the point of marriage?
Who will give us the answer? Society and the media? I don't think so. Other couples? I don't think so either. Every marriage is unique and different and everyone has their own answer, good or bad. But please, when someone figures it out, let me know.
Who wants to be a princess anyway? What does a princess do? Cook and clean? Is that the job of a princess? Please show me the job description because this isn't what I signed up for.
Society and the media sell weddings, honeymoons, marriage, kids, etc. Have the white wedding, go on a tropical honeymoon, buy a house, have kids, and you'll be happy. The why are we so unhappy?
Once you are married, society and the media doesn't even respect it. Sexual images are everywhere. You may be married, have the house in the suburbs, two kids, but don't you dare turn on the TV or computer. Even society doesn't respect marriage. Men and women think it's okay to flirt even if one or both of them is married. Flirting is okay, it's harmless, right? My partner will never know. But what happens when your partner finds out, it is still harmless? Probably not. Nice try. See you in divorce court. If society and the media doesn't respect marriage, then why should we?
No wonder marriage is failing. Is it really worth getting into in the first place? Who would buy marriage if it was packaged and sold on a shelf? There are no guarantees, may not work, and it's very expensive. Sure, that sounds great, let's buy this marriage thing. Everybody else is.
What we are sold in the end is absolutely nothing. There are no guarantees, no happy endings, no happily ever after. You are not a princess and he is not a prince. In the end, a wedding is an overpriced party paid for by mom and dad who probably can't afford it anyway.
We're sold a dream, and unlike theme parks, dreams don't always come true. Keep your expectations low. The wedding and the honeymoon are the high points. It all goes downhill from there. How low is up to you.
No one tells you how hard marriage is. Why? Because it's not pretty, and white, and it doesn't come with a cake. When a marriage ends or comes close to an end, there is nothing to sell but broken hearts. And who wants to buy that?
Sometimes marriage comes down to the facts. You get a marriage certificate, a shiny ring on your finger, and a name change. Is that it? Pretty much. Marriage changes nothing. The problems won't go away. In fact, they might get worse, but you're married, right? You'll get through it. Maybe. Just don't ask a divorce lawyer.
I'm not against marriage, it can work. Just keep your eyes and ears open. Lower your expectations. Wedding and honeymoons are an illusion and a distraction from the real thing. I want all marriages to work but I believe from day one they are set up to fail. If marriage was a product no one would buy it. It's not pretty and we have no one to blame but ourselves. Society and the media build it up and you get to watch it all fall down from the comfort of your own home surrounded by wedding pictures and gifts. Sounds fun, doesn't it?
How do people stay married for so long? Is it luck? Did they find the right partner or did they just settle along the way? Are we all settling or do we deserve better? Is this it? Do we stop the marriage train or do we keep going? Sometimes I want to get off before it turns into a horrible train wreck. Isn't that what we're all destined for anyway?
So is the purpose of marriage to have children? Apparently not. I bet everybody knows at least one person who has had a child out of wedlock. Is there anything wrong with that? Absolutely not. Once you have a child you will always be a parent. Once you get married will you always be a spouse? Not if you don't want to. Parenting and marriage do not go hand in hand anymore. One does not need the other. What does this say about marriage? What does it say about us and society as a whole? So if not children, then what is the point of marriage?
Who will give us the answer? Society and the media? I don't think so. Other couples? I don't think so either. Every marriage is unique and different and everyone has their own answer, good or bad. But please, when someone figures it out, let me know.
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